EIMEAR....
Nothing could be any clearer that,
without the Odontological Arts of Eimear,
I would now have no teeth.
Each and every one would have come to grief.
No canine, nor even a molar,
would have survived there long exposure
to toffee, cake and fizzy cola.
Eimear looked and said, ''This is a shock.
The time has come to put a stop
to all this de-dentition.''
I said, ''im afraid that one day ill be eating only liquid and slops
in a gum-only condition.''
But Eimear said, ''No, no. It is not yet too late
to save your chance to masticate
and eat well of all sorts of food.''
I said, ''Eimear, that would be very good:
To become again a chewing mammal
even though I've lost so much enamel.''
So Eimear and her magical team
set to work while i dreamed
of a long lost love who, it sometimes seemed,
would have loved me more if my teeth had gleamed.
So, with many and incredibly scientific tool,
Eimear sculpted my teeth, and I hoped to look cool
(though the truth is, at this stage, i tended to drool).
Can i say though (and this might seem like a digression)
at the end of every drilling session
there is nothing more socially thrilling
than a horrible cavity replaced by a filling.
Then came the day when Eimear revealed,
in a mirror, each tooth capped, bridged and sealed.
She said, ''Go now, into the world,
and let your new smile be unfurled.''
So I walked out onto Glenn street, confident and tall:
Eimear had given me a smile that would surely enthrall
a Duchess, a Champion Yachtswoman, or even a Gangster's Moll.
So, if your teeth should crumble and fall,
go quickly to Eimear and she will initally stall
any deterioration, then give you a smile that will outshine even Lauren Bacall,
though you will have to supply your own husky, and intriguingly amorous, drawl....
